Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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