There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Floor bacon is actually really good
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
