you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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