More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
