k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
