I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
