I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
