The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
