I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize