You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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