farters have to be the big spoon...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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