You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
