apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
