The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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