i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
