Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
