He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
