I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
