Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
