If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
