the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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