Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
