I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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