i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
