I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
