she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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