either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
