My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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