At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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