How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
