I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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