took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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