You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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