ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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