Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
