she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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