I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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