If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
