No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
vagina is talking i cant
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The uberlube is also flammable
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
