i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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