brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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