I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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