probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
