Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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