you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
