Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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