i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
