Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
