i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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