True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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