I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
