New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
