My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
