well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
