so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
