i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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