guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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