need another drink. this is the easiest way
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
