Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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