if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
