You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
