Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
