just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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