i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
