I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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