I feel like I'm in dance class right now
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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