i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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