Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
