ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
