the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
