I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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