I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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