dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
