My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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