Texts From Last Night

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  (903): View more from Texas

  I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

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  (903): I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks. http://tfl.nu/2ww3
  Replies (11) Good night (476) Bad night (2350)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he should get drunk with us

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  (610): walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant (1-610): he should get drunk with us http://tfl.nu/datt
  Replies (20) Good night (5199) Bad night (596)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.

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  (937): I did that thing where I cum for no reason again. http://tfl.nu/vzrl
  Replies (34) Good night (2489) Bad night (1978)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

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  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (3194) Bad night (1428)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.

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  (314): In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night. http://tfl.nu/bhg6
  Replies (12) Good night (1824) Bad night (3037)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

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  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6136) Bad night (7309)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5699) Bad night (723)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

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  (660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3
  Replies (7) Good night (4997) Bad night (982)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great

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  (210): If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great http://tfl.nu/uyht
  Replies (10) Good night (2796) Bad night (1682)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

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  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (8) Good night (2710) Bad night (840)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.

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  (724): Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips. http://tfl.nu/myh4
  Replies (5) Good night (2660) Bad night (817)
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  (707): View more from California

  I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.

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  (707): I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show. http://tfl.nu/jiaj
  Replies (3) Good night (352) Bad night (579)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.

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  (615): I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code. http://tfl.nu/vsgs
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (230)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced

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  (915): The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced http://tfl.nu/afn4
  Replies (5) Good night (1157) Bad night (269)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.

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  (303): And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond. http://tfl.nu/d9ej
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (210)

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