WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between