I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
