She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy