Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
