I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"