I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
